What happened to my blogger!!!

My blog cant ul any pics =(
why? If anyone knows why pls text me via Blogger.

anyways.
I have been staying over wif my bf so haven been updating,
but i guess this few days i will be able to update asap =)

have been wrkin wrking wrking,
wrk has been ok, but was sick for these 3days.
Havin fever on and off for 2 days.
Tdy is a lil better but i think mayb cos i have ate too much
heaty food, im havin headaches and feel the body very heaty sia!
then the pimples also =( kaoz!!
I think i also pass my virus to my bf!!!
He is gonna see a doc ltr man! was suppose to meet him but yea i want
him to recover asap!!! =)
Missed him so much!!
Gonna head to the mall in a min !!
update mre ltr =)

-nazuki-

It will be over soon

Let time heals everything.
Bits and pieces of things seemed to be coming into
the r/s.
I know my emotions made him feel sad & affected, but i cant
help it to feel sad for my friend tt was hurt. I understand tt it's a 2person
thing and situation right nw is tt my bf's friend wont wanna see me and it's vice versa, but these made meetups for me and my bf in future harder and tt makes me sad.
I know my bf made a pt to make it up to me n made a pt to meet me tmr, but im jux afraid tt halfway thru if i dunnoe where to go, probably he will join his friends again. I understand my bf enjoys playing dota n hangin out wif his friends, so i think i cant be selfish and stop wad he enjoys doing. Jux hopes that the unnecessary weirdness will be gone soon...

I've been thinkin abt my future, worried abt my future.
Wad should i continue to wrk as? should i go take a diploma in makeup?
Will i be able to support a house with my own financial status?
Does he know that i need him to wrk hard wif me? Am i selfish to be asking for wad ive ask? **********

But for now i guess, jux take a step at the time, cos god has already planned our lives. Do whatever u feel like for tt moment for nw, cos u know that at tt moment tt's wad u felt like doing.

-nazuki-

Tomodachi

My babe has been feeling very down, probably all she need is
a lil mre time, a lil more space, a lil mre strength.
I always believe god is fair, when he takes away smth frm u,
he might give u smth in return and as time goes by u realise
wad u have gone thru has mould u into wad u are tdy.
Babe, all i hope for is for u to feel better and i know Mr. right
jux isnt here yet. Mayb some ppl wouldnt know hw much pain u are gg
thru, but i can feel it. I want u to smile at the memories that the r/s has brought
u and learning to let go makes u stronger, u will nv know hw strong u can be
until u try. I know u can do it, we'll always be there for u, cos we know deep
inside of u is smth beautiful. =)

Handle wif care

A r/s probably is one of the hardest thing to juggle
in life. Learn to handle it with care, cos they are like
fragile glasses; If it ever break, after the pieces are fixed together,
the evidence of the glass being broken before will stay there forever.

I just hope things get better each day and thr r/s's foundation will get stronger.
No one says it's easy to manitain a stable r/s, so stay strong. I believe that no matter wad happened or hw angry or frustrated u get in an argument wif someone u love, give him/her some
cool off time and space for each other, so that during these period, cool ur heads and u'll realise jux hw much u have loved him/her.

I am someone who doesnt pt out the gd things my partner has done nw and then, but that doesnt mean i have forget everything he had done. Small things frm him askin "eh why u emo?" makes me think he cares abt hw i feel and wanna know wad's goin on, hunting down a particular flavour chips for me, walking from parklane to wisma to pick me up frm wrk.. etc
Little things adds up to making big differnces. Love is...
When u dont mind doing a lil mre for him,
When u reshuffle time out jux for him,
When u care abt his feelings,
abt being able to trust him,
being faithful to each other,
learning to forgive of u cant forget..


It's crazy that no matter hw much i see him, i still missed him fcuking much!
But i'll learnt to nt over do the meetups to have space for myself and leave some space where he can breath i woudlnt wanna see him feelin breathless in this r/s either.
=)
love is jux so damn fcuking crazy!

-nazuki-

Love is so hard to describe..
It's realli weird that no matter wad shit happened,
u still find urself knowing hw much he meant to u,
and hw much u loved him.

I believe one day i will see rainbow after rain,
and see ourself smiling at each other again.
Mayb nt anytime soon, but one day..

yea, probably bad day for both me and him.
*sigh~~~ hai hai
But probably i have always been draggy in wad i wanna say.
I jux hope one day we'll smile again seeing that we have
gone thru so much things together and still sticking together.
walking hand in hand.

It's not easy for a guy to be able to understand me.
I can become very unreasonable and selfish when i start to think
he might be cheating on me and stuffs. "Sorry" jux doesnt change
wad happened that day. And i didnt even give him time to explain
and cut him off. Trust was smth i lack of, but im learning to trust,
probably too late but i'll still give my best shot.
I see him as my boyfriend criteria, i love him and he loves me back.
Those " qi hua" in the conver, left us with burning wounds in the heart.



Jux realise that the wrd " sorry " is a very sad wrd that doesnt put
sadness to an ending.
Probably someday someone might come up with a better word with a mre sincere
meaning.

Very very sian.
Things jux wont be the same anymre. Probably, mayb, if,,,,

If we hold on,
we'll see that rainbow together.
But that is when u still wanna hold my hand and
nt getting tired of me.

-nazuki-

Action speaks louder than wrds

For me i realli believe that action speaks louder than wrk.
My in charge was very angry with me some days ago when i failed to
open shop on time, and i didnt inform her earlier on. And i felt like
lost her trust in me.

So i followed accoridng that i sign in 15mins earlier tt day, and tdy she talked to me.
And i felt like she was like my ex in charge who taught me a lot. Probably she felt me trying hard to make it up to her, and she explained herself for her being so strict. Anyway action speaks louder than wrds!!! cos for once i felt like she understand that i am sincere =)and probably she understand hw much i need this jov for a living.

Hmmmmm, anyway yr by yr, i felt time passing by faster or is it when u hit 20
u felt like time passed even faster? Well i realli have no idea. Im like 21 in 6 mths time, and i realli realli hope i could move on to another stage in life.
And if u dun know wad i am talking abt i am talkin abt getting married, having a stable income and utimately a home- a place to feel safe to live in. But too soon to talk abt anything cos our r/s is like nearly 2 mths old. LOL but i am like thinking SOOOOO far!!!! *laughs


And yea tomorrow is my off day!!!
yays but like gt nth to do~~~ !!! *sigh
sg is a fcuking damn boring place!!
probably time to wrk hard and go taiwan wif my babe again!!!!
like hw we went there last yr!

Tdy was jux another wrkin day, and yea i meet my bf like for 15min or so and
i left for hm wasnt feelin very well either and he wanted to acc his friends.
But yea gd to be @ hm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ate maggi mee!! the curry noodles damn nice!!

My wishlist
- new bag
- wrk harder for higher position
- plan financially for my future
- travel to japan
- new pair of slippers
- new pair of contact lens
- new hopes!!!

LMAO
im for sure a damn greedy girl!!!!!

-nazuki-

Different

Difference can be beautiful like hw ur partner is different
from u, and hw he made u smile even thou there's a difference btn both of u.
If u realli treaure it and wanna make it wrk, u will wrk it out eventually.

I aint a perfect girl and i make a lot of mistakes in love, in life, in wrk.
I used to nt learn frm my mistake.
If ever i quarrel wif in a r/s in the past i probably said those "qi hua" and the conversation
would end up with him hanging up on me, and me crying very hard and depressed.
I dunnoe if talkin would help, but im trying it nw. I try my best to put anger and ego aside by askin wad happened and even dun mind to apologise first. I jux hoped my msg could be conveyed to that some1 really impt to me. And probably i admit im bd at sensitivity towards my partner, mayb he has a hard time gg thru everything and he is nt saying anything. But for now, i will ask till i get to know wad exactly he feels and understand him inside out. I wouldnt blame him if he hurts me, cos i've hurt him as much. I have move out frm depression and im nt gonna fall in deep again =) So i wanna feel like changing the way things wrk it abt having mre conversations. I am very forgetful of wad i've said or things that are said to me. Probably making it hard for my bf to understand me. But im sure if he loves me as much as i do, he will find his way to bring me to another stage in life. I hope his heart finds me soon.
I realli fell in love with him, i hope he will nv give up on me like he said.

Love is...
feeling hurt
feeling happy
feeling selfish
feeling loved
feeling confused
feeling happiness

Love is like hw i loved him and him loving me.

Probably in life,
the most successful thing i could do is to wrk.
To wrk non-stop everyday.
Probably ppl like me would know wad i am talkin abt.

I tried so hard to make it wrk, it's jux i wondered wad
happened again?
Probably wad i can do is to earn a stable income every month,
groom myself wif whatever shit i need.

Probably i would be a successful makeup artist or a store manger
working fucking hard for money.
Probably tt's all i know wad to do.
No matter hw much i try it seems like nth could have wrk.

-nazuki-

*sigh~
It's sad that thru arguements we finally find out,
what was :
- misunderstood
- taken granted for
- the most impt pts of gettin a balanced r/s
- broken (as in promise) in the r/s

But my friend told me this, take all the sad part in life as
beautiful things and u will feel better. Cos sad things are
part of a beautiful life that makes wad u will be in the future.
I agree with her saying.

Humans in nature is very forgetful, i forget for a moment but i wont forget
forever cos for me u are always impt, at least for now.
I have to say i broke promises and absolutely gt no rights to say anything.
I always remember this now, no matter hw angry i am, i wont forget who matters to me the most. My love, my friends will always be in my heart always.

Im trying as hard to make the r/s, trying to be mre open and less petty
to nt impt stuffs, im bitting my teeth and holding on, pls rem it takes 2 to wrk out.
I dont wanna do it alone, I need u.

If I reach out my hand,
hold on tight.
If I ever cry,
dry my tears.
If I feel sad and helpess,
give me a hug.
If I look sad,
jux give me ur sweetest smile and u will
see me smiling.

But ever if u need anything,
even in the middle of the night,
I want u to know that i dont mind
to rush over to give u that smile,or a warm hug or
even a passionate kiss.
I will b there for u whenever i can,

Thou love causes heartaches, it makes me feel i
lived for smth.


-nazuki-

Is a r/s really hard to maintain?

I have to say it's pretty hard
becos human nature is 80% selfish.
most of the times we think of the situation as we are the victims
and forget hw our partner sacrifice for us.

I haven been in a r/s for abt a yr plus.
27.05.09, my new r/s starts wif a happy jabroni=)
Even thou nw a lot of factors affects the r/s, i still love him a lot.
I used to be very lose on controllin my partner(or as in ppl i go out wif)
after my last r/s.
Cos i hate the feeling of heartache and quarrels that lead on to nth
but mre misunderstanding and tears.
Recently due to the new time for my new job, things start to get a lil
hard and friction is btn both of us. Cos my wrk time affects me thus
indirectly affects him.
I know it wont be easy, but i hope things will get a lil mre better
as time goes.
I hope he didnt get the wrong msg of wad i told him.

My bf jux needs to be some1 who has a stable career(nt as in he have to earn 3k/4k per mth) but enuff jux for himself cos i am financial stable for myself.
Ppl who knows me probably rmbr me sayin i wan a 180 bf, cute, handsome and etc.
But i think jeremy is gd enuff, he has nice smile, cute face, nt 180(but to me it's a comfortable ht.), listens when i talk and would nv pick a fight wif me and most of the time he is very sensitive.

If he is nt ard i probably would miss him doing some weird noises wif his voice,
hugging me tight when he is fast asleep and he would nv fail to say i love you too
if he heard me saying i love u, asked me if i was bored when he is playing dota. Wad mre should i ask for ? for having such a gd bf.
I hope he dont get the wrong idea *sigh~
It's just so hard to convey a msg to some1 u really love.
It's so freakin hard man!!
and this time i really fall deep. Deep down!
I jux hope that he still know that i love him,
and i hope he loves me jux as much as i do.

-loves, nazuki-

UPDATES!!!!

Haven been blogging for DAMN freakin long.
Busy wif personal stuffs abd tired!!
extreme!! I typically gt no time for anything!!
And one mre thing ARGGH end of mth liao gettin poor!!!
I wonder hw long it takes for me to save up for diploma in makeup.
I jux checked the fees to study the whole makeup course is like 3425 now~~!!!
wooww! and that i think excludes the makeup kit and tools!!!

Humans are jux nt contended enuff i guess,we jux want ourself to be better each time.
Im still stuck in life findin wad i would like to wrk as, or rather wrk for.
And careers that i have chose is always related to cust and provides service for ppl.
I'm seriously is a lil tired of retailin line but *sigh i guesss would be like this for the moment?I wish i can be a professional makeup artist I wonder wad would b next.. lmao

Quite stress, cos haven been undergoing pressure.
ARGHHHH come on man! where have the happy times gone?
DAMN i prey a lil mre laughter up ahead n a lil lesser stress pushin on me
dun be depressed NAZU!! heheheh =))

-nazuki-

Have been damn tired but happy in a way tt,
the r/s is gg ok.
I dun ask for much but see hw it goes...
But I have to remind myself again, Humans are nt perfect
tt includes me so i shouldnt ask for much.
And i guess wad matter is to see the positive things tt he do for me.

-send to the bus stop and waited for me to take the bus
-carried my heavier carrier
-wake up early with me
-didnt have enough slp but didnt complain and throw tantrum
-holds onto my hands thou sometimes my palm turns sweaty
-go wherever i feel like going
-eat whatever i wanted to eat
-stop doing whatever im nt happy with


So wad right have i gt to say he's nt a gd bf?
LOL
appreaciated im for being my bf!! XD

-nazuki-

My JABass part II

After lan shop was prata @ ah neh ah neh with jrock, esther, ruth, yuki and co.
hmmmmMMmmm after tt head hm wif my BFF ruth and esther back to cck.
ZZZ till nxt morning then esther didnt manage to wake up cos she slept @ 6am lol.
But i meet JABasss and watched movie, NATM2.. was a retard comedy cum romance shw but was rather funny, went back wif him after tt, he gave me his baby photo.. LOL Met ruth ytd aldso =)

Addicted to this song,


I can replay it a thousand times!!!!
=))
It's not goobye~

-nazuki-

My JABass

This JABass!! damn ass la! called me a ching chong pok girl =(
http://djjabroni.livejournal.com/ !!!! In his blog LOL
in return i call him JABass!!

Ytd meet up wif him after my 2 to 6 @ LP
then went to evo and look for yuki.
Jrock, ruth & esther joined in later for counter strike
and L4D game after tt!! damn fun i swear!
Counter strike was like -_-
cos i couldnt tell the difference btn counter and terrorists.
then L4d was like fcuk sia..
First round was guys vs. girls, then jitao owned!!
Jabass keep killing me also =((
ASSHOLE!!! we were in the lan shop like damn loud!!!
can hear ruth's laughter, jeremy's scream and my own scream.
Yuki's "CB" was like damn loud.

............................... to be continued.

-nazuki-

My lists of..

Things i need to buy:
-eye makeup remover
-new tops
-new medicine for my pimples
-new pair of mre than 3inch heels

Things i need to do:
-My nails!!!
-speak leseer vulgurities(bring nagged)
-stop smoking any cigratte when im sad
-Say when i am unhappy
-more beauty sleep
-update my blog wif pics
-play PS3 wif my kampong friends
-learn english =(
-Be happy
-Buy my mom a bdae gift b4 12june

-nazuki-

OEI stop laughin at nazu no BF K!

*laughs
Im attached to my nerdy ang moh kan tan bf, jabroni XD
Seriously i have to brush up my english =(
20th was like hw it started off...
and together officially on 27th at day break LOL
like we chat all the way frm dawn till 7am!! Damn crazy la

He is nt super tall but has nice smile, super high pitch talkin voice(nt till he sound like a trans.),a lil skinnier than normal.
I finally understand that superficial of a person will be put aside the moment
u feel love. Something jux makes u feel attracted to him.
Like i felt love =)
Nt to say anything too soon as the r/s jux started,
but i wanna say im giving love a chance.

Hw i meet him?
My BFF is a slagger queen! It was when she asked me to go chill wif her at home club,
and tt's where i met jabroni together wif his BFF yuki.

Am i happy now?
I would say yes.
Cos it's a plus pt i know ppl he hang ard wif and he knows ppl i hang ard wif.
A good start off so we will be ok wif going out as a grp together.

-nazuki-

If..

I have been given a chance again to choose,
I wouldnt make he same choice again.
I will make myself happier.
And do a lil me smth to make myself smile.

I will take back wad i've said and done.
I will wan to tuen back the time, to make
sure i dont go thru all the shit ive gone thru.

But one day,
I hope he will make me smile again.
To find myself again.
To be happy again.

-nazuki-

EMO no mre!

Ppl are complaining my blog damn EMO la!
lol but of cos i have my happy side!
I have 2 grps of happening friends.
Clubbing kaki & my Kampong friends!
of cos almost enuff to keep me busy on off days!
thnx to them =)

My clubbing kaki.
Xiao bai, kathay & vaal!! sometime my best friend, the noisy girl ruth & co.!! XD
super cool ppl! they always take gd care of me
when i drink!! I fell down so badly the last time at
phuture! and i had a BIG bruise on my knee nw! -_-
Clubbing photos are always damn chui, cos gg club is like
damn sticky then the hair open hole. the face red red!
these are some of the better ones!
the pic which i have a crown is edited to the max liao lol -_-
I hate clubbin photo!!



















NEXT my kampong neighbour!! lol
introducing the very nice "andrew", very PARXX "chris",
very loud "ruth" and lastly the curse queen "esther"
lol! But esther is mostly absent for our "cca" cos she has to wrk shifts
and go bf's place lol!
the rest of us are single la!! LMAO
playing guitar hero wif ruth and andrew took pic!
he damn crazy, i was askin him to take the mic then he dun 1,
he use my cam and took pic of us playin he said it was mre fun =_=







Before all these i took some of the pic
C.viper and vega! ruth vs. andrew! lol
and andrew took us playin too LMAO
damn fun CCA DAY rocks!!







I love this photo <3 lol andrew took!
anyway realli mux thank our bro andrew!! he is like our sister la!! lol
we always mess up his place but he nv complains!!
our best kamping mate man!!



i hope cca day will come soon again!!

-nazuki-

Nightmare, my fear

My best friends will noe wad im talkin abt.
i has a nightmare last night.
Of my ex bf.. Like coming back for mre..
Mre wad?
sex? definitely no!
wad would it be then?


I was wif him for 4rs or so~
until the day we broke up.
Im sad to say he didnt change one little bit.
all of the time, wad ive begged him to stop doing.
he could still do it.
so do it with his new gf.
I have had enough...
becos i know i deserved better.

Gambling kills.
there was once...
I remembered clearly.
i earn 1.3 a mth tt time
after CPF 1.1 u noe hw hard i have to wrk to get OTs.
hw much mre hrs?
he jux take a few hundreds frm me every mth to pay his debt.
and i have to keep a secret for him. frm his sis, frm my family.
once he took 500 frm me.
then 50 again for drinking..
until the end of the wk
when i had onli left wif $5 for a wk,
i cried realli hard...
For tt wk i went hm for dinner, and didnt eat much at wrk,
except for those my in charge bought in the store.
I wake up shivering 6am for 3wks.
I grew realli skinny..(cos at tt moment i knew he had smth wif his ex gf, skinny and tall girl, and i was rather fat then)
i find myself gd for nth..
i dun dare to ask money frm my mom.
cos i wrked becos i dun wanna take a single cent frm them.
i wanna be independent.
So when we broke off, we quarrelled realli badly.
and of cos nt for one reason.
i was disappointed in him cos he let her in.
After we broke up he asked for another 500.
I was freakin sad, i finally understans wad was I to him.
A walkin atm machine.
*smiles

After this I learnt my lesson..
I learn it the hard way.
My heart realli cracked.
so deep till nw i rem hw pain was it.
Love can be promised ppl,
so if ever some1 change his/her love for u.
let it be.
But if he cheats on u heart,
rem nv to let him cheat on ur cash.
becos once it goes..
it will nv be back.
he will onli see u die and nv turn to look at u.
to lend u a helpin hand.

-nazuki-

SICK

Im feelin weird..
Like gt the suan suan feelin my arms,
my stomach...
like i dun feel like eatin...
My head is heavy, and feverish....

damn!
i wan mre rest!
i wan new job

-nazuki-

CCA day

I didnt know i have such lame day until ytd! CCA day sia -_-
created by ruth, andrew & chris(paxx)
LMAO i wanna laugh so much! crazy " kampong friend"
It was a day of shoppin @ Giant @ IMM damn Aunty la!
then after tt we make dinner which is ermmmmmm
eh hemmm
the red wine fried fish SUCKS totally! tasted like bread!!
the noodles also chui! andrew said this when we were at the market," this one
nice i try b4, take take." LOL nice sia!
the mash potato over salty! due to chris's tongue!! chris keep sayin
add somemre.. MORE SALT!!
then ruth join us after we eat the chui meal.
hashbrown was ok. sausage andrew cook de failed! noodles like wanton mee LMAO

















HAPPY DAY~~ YAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol Ps3 we played street fighter and guitar hero
*sweats sia!!!
=))
I love my kampong friends
chris, andrew, ruth * the abscent esther!

-nazuki-

1/4 of my life..

If u have realli try to know abt me,
or some1 who realli understand me.
U will know im unhappy abt 1/4 of my life.
i think it's me killing myself.
i am too protective of myself getting into a serious r/s.
So i give up in engaging in a real r/s or rather say i dun have a chance to.

Guys having gf, having another girl outside.
So i dun see a pt in being faithful and truthful anymre.
neither do i think tt i will fall in love like hw i used to 5 yrs back.
Nw i drink, get drunk and forget abt ytd. Abt hw he lied and i believe him.
For nearly half a yr, after my last ex bf, he made my life turn in circles.
TT's the last time i believe in love. In truth.
Onli stupid girls think that guys realli loves u.
They jux love sex & getting away wif it.
Ive seen a lot. too much i think love dun exist in r/s.
For these reasons i let the memories stay but the responsibilty get away.
Mayb u guys dun get wad i mean.
cos, this is reality.
look ard~ everyone is doin it.

-nazuki-

Defination of "MY" type of cute guys

Talkin abt cute and atrractive guys...
i think sg realli has limitation for cute guys.
Since for me i think, Ugly or cute guys are all equally bad.
Jux take the cuter ones, tt's my theory.

What would be ur choice of cute guys if u have a choice?

hw bt honggi frm FT island?
he has amazing voice and super atrractive looks!
Tall, nice smile, nice eyes & nice size =)
i love his punkish fashion sense! damn nice









he bt a taiwanese bad boy?
Mike he, 180, tone deaf, nt much talent except
for acting in taiwanese love drama! But he sure have a nice voice <3
I realise mike he look so much better in moving motion then
in pictures~ so lil pic he looked nice.







and i think mike he in this shw is realli a lady killer =X



Or a super cute punkish band guy?
Aki frm a japanese visual rock band, nw this band turning mre towards jazz.
nt tall but nice face shape and smile. Nice piercings.
Eyes are super attractive and have very gd fashion sense.

in yukata..



Rockku~~



Hot~










it's time to nxt!!!
i think aki has pics that are all so hot! XD

or one of Johnny's junior hottest guy?
kazuya kamenashi aka kame. he is definitely the face many girls would fall for.
A lil short in ht, but super nice face. And he did his teeth which made him look
so much better nw!!



one of my fav pic of him~







I love guys tt r nt too big in built and wears t-shirt jeans juz like him!!
wif a converse sneaker <3


Or a 1/2 korean 1/2 japanese.
wif a ht of 185. super nice lips.
nice style! he is a lil cocky thou~





so much i can think of for nw!!!
any one of them is like my boyfriend look XDXD
i bet i cant find these guys in sg~
mayb time for japan!!
another tiring day comes ahead for tmr!!
ggoogoogogoogogogog

-nazuki-